Worth the Wait.

For years I never knew if I would be able to share things that I had gone through during my dating experience. As a reminder, social media strictly highlights everyone’s lives. The broken hearts, the night spent alone, the tears and hurt are rarely displayed.

I am quick to share because I remember during my years spent alone. There were so many blog posts that I read from other people which really helped me. They encouraged me and taught me lessons outside of my friends' and family's advice. I do not share any of this to boast about a "successful" relationship, or intend for anyone to play the comparison game.

Rewind back to high school. I dated someone for about two years, and then found out he had been cheating on me with a girl I considered to be a very close friend of mine. I had no idea anything was going on between the two of them. Their relationship went on for about eight or nine months before I was aware. After that experience, I knew dating was going to be something that I wanted to approach with caution. When I got to college, I told myself I wouldn’t date anyone unless I wanted to bring them home to meet my parents. So, that resulted in lots of fun.

Senior year, I found someone I knew my parents would love. Not that it’s all about who your parents like, but that was definitely the mindset I had. He fit every bit of the criteria I was looking for. We both wanted the same things from our relationship/life, and it seemed to be a match made in heaven. We dated for a couple of months and as time went on we sort of grew apart. We both knew the idea of one another was perfect but in reality there were some things that were missing.

To grow up having the world tell you one thing, but taught another thing makes it challenging when dating. He was perfect on paper. Truly everything that I thought I wanted in someone. We both had marriage in mind as a result of dating which brought another level of seriousness into the relationship. We were both at an age we felt like it was time to settle down and get life figured out. We knew you couldn’t find the right person if you were with the wrong person. We were at the “ok so what’s next?” stage. The awkward conversations of trying to figure out if we could actually see ourselves getting married or whether we should go our separate ways.

We felt the Lord telling us to go our separate ways. It was hard. I’ll never forget the words we shared when we had that final conversation. It felt weird. Why were we breaking up? We got along so well and were great friends. The “breakup” was a civil conversation. This, ladies, is why you date someone who loves the Lord and is a great person. We've probably all been on the other side of a civil breakup...

For weeks, I laid in bed and cried. Dramatic, right? A 19 year old with real world issues (LOL). I remember driving to my parents house after we broke up and feeling broken. I really thought because it was so hard to find a good, Christian guy that I was going to be alone forever after we’d chosen to go our separate ways. Part of the reason I think we were both attracted to one another was because we had high standards -- we knew it was difficult to find that person. Like I mentioned, on paper, we were a match made in heaven.

Convinced that my only chance at a solid relationship was over, my parents were quick to remind me that God never gives us more than we can handle. While I thought the joke of living alone with my dog at the age of 50 (absolutely nothing wrong with this, in fact I still consider it some days ;) ) was going to be my reality, I was constantly uplifted by family and friends that I was too young to throw in the towel.

I spent *months* going on date after date. It didn’t matter if I met them on a sidewalk, grocery store, son of a coworker, dating apps, I said yes to every single date I was asked on for over a year. For a fun fact/perspective, I went on 67 dates within 5 months. Some may think that’s hilarious, some might think it’s pathetic. Lunch to dinner dates, coffee to ice cream, top golf to piano bar, you name it, I did it. I was eager (desperate at times) to find whoever the Lord had in store in for me. I didn’t care if it meant a hundred awkward first dates. I was doing to find my Mr. Right.

Dating is awkward. It doesn’t matter how compatible you are with someone, it’s uncomfortable. There are so many things we think are supposed to happen, words that should or shouldn’t be said, and just straight up pressure that makes us act different than an evening spent with close friends or family.

Fast forward, to my now engaged life: Refueled, invigorated, excited for each and every day of life. The ordinary Tuesday nights with no plans except an average Mexican at-home dinner and playing catch up with work. The things I never imagined I could enjoy, I love them. I feel disgusted when I think back to life a few years ago. My idea of a “perfect marriage” looked like a pretty wife in the kitchen making dinner for her husband when he got home from work, with fancy plans followed after, accompanied by their perfect friends.

If there’s one thing I could tell my 18 year old self: do not stop. Do not stop searching. Just because you’ve found someone great, does not mean they are your person. The Lord brings great people into our lives as a glimmer of hope. He brings a fresh breath of air when we need a reminder that better things are ahead. He shows us things we do and do not want in a future spouse through dating.

I can’t fathom a life without Eli. If I had settled for “great” on paper, I would’ve never found an exceptional reality. If I threw in the towel when going on dates got exhausting, I very well could have settled for a guy who got on my nerves and/or hated desserts. Life is too short to settle. Do not get caught up in the mundane, worldly ideas of dating. Guard your heart but put yourself out there to try new things/people.